| Bored |
[09 Sep 2007|12:05pm] |
Ok so I have only been here for about two weeks, and I've been seriously thinking of the big t-word. Yeah that's right I want to TRANSFER. I'm not sure if this college is the right place for me anymore. I don't fuckin know what would be the right place for me but I am willing to do some research to see if there are truly any better options for me. And I'll be honest, part of this decision for me is the fact that socially it's hard to meet new people, or for that matter date people because there is a very limited amount of nice attractive single straight guys. If I can find a way to meet those kinds of boys at a different college party, then that problem can be ruled out. My other main concern is that this is not the place where I can have the best opportunities for my career. But then I'd have to go to a dinky film school and if I'm in the fence about art school, film school will not be any better. I keep feeling like maybe sometimes I should have chosen a big university to go to. I remember why I wanted to back in the day- there's soo many more people to meet. Also people act more normal then they do at MICA. Last night I went to a Johns Hopkins party and it was terrible and the boys were icky but the best part about the experience was that guys actually would come up and introduce themselves and dance with you and hit on you like you'd expect college boys to be. Plus the place was a majority of male which I miss. There are WAY too many females here and as much as I like the camaraderie I much prefer male company to excess amounts of estrogen.
Anyway thats my saga for now. Sorry to bore anyone who was nice enough to read this.
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| "When the Whole World Is Inside of Your Arms, Wake Up Slow." |
[27 Oct 2005|08:33pm] |
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mood |
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 drained |
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music |
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Jack Johnson- Banana Pancakes |
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Today on the field trip to the Nassau Community Museum, I had a moment where I thought "Holy shit, this is why I am going to major in art!"
We had a very limited time to walk around and observe the beautiful 200 acres of trees, ponds and metal sculptures. I was frustrated because Mrs. Amacawa and Ms. Tinucci had wasted about a half hour or so of time I could have had to sketch and paint these scenic surroundings. However, I did get my moment of glory when Andrew, Zach and Alon told us to follow them to this special spot.
Lee, Chloe and I, up for the journey, decided to follow. We knew the risk we were taking, considering we had limited time to explore (we had to meet back at the museum entrance at "11:30"), but the promise of a new experience in a dreamy lanscape coaxed us all.
As we climbed the hill by this enormous tree, we looked over into the distance at a huge red metal sculpture. This sculpture was a repeating pattern that was so immense in size, it looked as if it was the Hoover dam painted red. Chloe acknowledged that she wished she had a camera, and we all agreed.
After, we went under this tree which was so gigantic in size that it enveloped us like a mini-rainforest, a canopy from the outside world. We climbed up the trunk and branches that were atleast nine feet tall. The tree seemed to stretch up into infinity, where the sky lays.
The tree was tragically beautiful. The roots were swollen from old age. The intials of many loves(most I'm sure were short-lived) scarred the tree. But the sun carressed the spaces between the leaves. Although it's branches twisted in agony, haunting us all, they seemed to reached out to us with open arms.
We all talked excitedly at the beauty of such a beast. This tree was one in a million. Soon we all decided it was time to draw. We all took out our sketchbooks and diligently concentrated. All six of us were silent, each trying to pour our emotions out onto a single page. This tree invoked feelings inside of us that we could not hold in; it was vulnerable, subject to life, as all of us are.
As we finished our drawings and reluctantly left this peaceful spot, I thought to myself "This is what I want to do. This is where I want to be."
I wanted to lay across this tree and try to understand it. If I could stare at its many indentions, holes, and imperfections, I just might get a glimpse into what my life means.
I remind myself though, that there are so many trees in this world, and so many opportunities to draw them. I will keep this tree as a picture in my mind, and never forget it. But, I will find other things to inspire me.
This is what I feel it means to be an artist. You don't need to paint perfectly, or draw realistically, you need to look at the world around you and love it. Or love to hate it. You need to observe everything and always try to understand. Through art, you can begin to work out human emotions and begin to see why were are here and what life is about.
God I am such a hippie. Could this be a good college essay? hmmm....
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| Without the Support, You Can make a Cohort! |
[07 Jul 2005|11:42am] |
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mood |
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 enthralled |
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music |
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Ryan Adams |
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I am a rebel. I get high off of the fact that I am not wearing a bra today. For some reason, the absence of such a normal undergarment, makes you feel so free. At this moment, I could take over the world. Who needs a high school diploma, or a top of the league job.
I'm not wearing a bra, I can do anything.
Hey, even Ryan supports my bra-free life, so I must be doing something right.
(Oh, wait thats right, not having a bra on makes a guy's life easier too!!)
Hmmm...everyone should boycott bras! They are useless, expensive, and very uncomfortable. All you need is halter tops, bikini tops, and the rest is free-breasting? lol (you know like free-balling)
All I can say is SAY NO TO BRAS, and YES TO FREEDOM.
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| I NEED A HERO!!!!!! |
[31 Mar 2005|08:40pm] |
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mood |
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 happy |
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music |
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I Need a Hero! |
] |
So as I sit here exhuasted from another jubilantly busy day at Walt Whitman High School, I wonder, can you really nibble on a berry?
Today in sociology we had to "pick up" guys (or girls depending on sexual preference and gender ofcourse) so I went into Miss Segull's classroom and picked up Brad Weiss. It was pretty sweet. lol. I ask him if he wanted to bite my berry and he instantaneously said "YES!" I then gave him my PIMP raising of the eyebrows and pointing my fingers at him and left the room of uncontrolled laughter.
Tomorrow I believe I am going to the Homecoming Queens concert...
If anyone wants to know...Liam's new name is ( Liam 'No-Arms' McMullen )
I love my lunch period. It's a huge group of people broken up into about three cliques that hang with one another outside of school, but inside we become one giant orgy of prankster adolescents.
Instead of "Hippie kids who play frisbee" in Lee's lunch period, there is a replacement of "Geeky Outcast Boys Who Are Hardcore at Frisbee" in my lunch period. Today, no different from any other day, they were playing frisbee. The frisbee got caught on top of the overhang (attached to the wing by the orchestra room and weight room). Gareth Field (your average SMART kid, but really deep down inside a juevenile delinquent)climbed on top of the roof and began doing laps around the school in search of the frisbee.
No one knows how he got up there, but at approximately 11:45 AM he was running to the overhang to find the frisbee.
Ofcourse, me being a natural observer I saw him running across the building.
So I said "Hey guys! Look! There's a kid running laps on the roof!"
Of course with my luck, only a few people turn around to look and by then he is behind the bend. People look at me, dub me crazy and go back to their lunch. Then, about 15 seconds later he is seen running straight across again, carrying the frisbee in hand. I then point him out again, and feel satisfaction as people realize I am awesome, not crazy for noticing.
But, Rich the big mouth loser, starts yelling "Go! GO!"
And, all of us being teenagers, and conformists join in on the chant. We all triumphantly stand up our fists in the air chanting "GO GO! GO!"
Kids by the windows began looking out side searching for the cause of our triumphant roar. It's as if we thought that if he accomplished this mission, somehow, in someway everything will change here at Whitman, and we will have a victory over the establishment.
Of course, the shouting only lead to Mr. Sansota, coming out to see the commotion, and completely getting Gareth into immense trouble. Gareth scrambled up a ladder to an even higher level, as Mr. Sansota summoned mediocre rent-a-cop high school security guards on his walkie talkie.
Nobody knows if Gareth got away with it or not, for he disappeared along the side down another ladder and then vanished.
All I can say is "Viva La Revolucion!"
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| Wow. |
[12 Dec 2004|01:42pm] |
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mood |
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loved |
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music |
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Fitzcarraldo - The Frames |
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Let's just say my weekend was so amazing that I have nothing to say about it. Lol. Friday was so fucking great. Mike cooked me amazing jamaican food. Then we both gave each other massages. Then we smoked and meditated. It was jsut such a golden moment. I don't know, It was amazing. He also gave me gifts, :-D.<3
Then saturday I watched America's Top Model marathon all day. I felt really lonely becuase my rents went into the city and every one I was supposed to hang with was gone. I drank some wine, got buzzed and watched Mean Girls, which is actually a funny movie. Then Michelle called me and ended up coming over. I mustered all the shake I could find out of my brother's bag of stems, and Michelle and I smoked a bowl. I was fucked up so much and I was so fucking happy. I dont think Michelle was as messed up but she was definitely feeling it haha. We ate lots of yummy food, I made here chai tea, and then we sat and watched A Christmas Story. What a funny movie! lol. I just had a blast. Michelle rocks. Poor Lee was too sick to be there :(
Today I had hanukah at my aunt's which was okay. I played video games with my 6 year old twin cousins. And then my 2nd cousins Shana, and Rebecaa came. One's 17 and the other is 15. Shana was pretty cool. We apparently look exactly alike lol. We always have. She has her nose pierced and I'm so jealous. I guess we are very similar in style and shit. Anyway I got about 68.00 bucks altogether from relatives which is cool a lot less than usual but money is money. My cousin Danny drove me home and told me he's definitely coming with everyone to the Cosm on December 26th. That will be chill. :-D
Anyway that was my weekend and now I'm figuring out what I can do for the next few hours. Peace.
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| HERE I AM! |
[15 Nov 2004|08:18pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 indescribable |
] |
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music |
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Ben Folds Five- Air |
] |
I decided it would be fun to make a livejournal account. OH BOY. Let's see how long this lasts.
He writes. He wants to be a writer when he grows up. He wrote poems about me and read them. They were amazing. I have never had a boy write me poems. They were actually good too, not the whole I love you, roses are red bull shit. I have had writers block for a long time, but he totally inspired me to write poems again. I'm floating on a cloud. I've never felt such strong feelings for a guy in such a short time. W0W.
Could life be any busier? I'm getting sick of having too many plans. I have to go to two birthday parties this weekend, wtf? I don't want to. I just want to see him. I hope I can atleast once this weekend or I'll be crazy. Another reason/motivation for me to have my license. I hope he gets his soon, he's 17.
Now for poems: (don't laugh at them!!!)
Poem # 1
She left that wall up for so long,
Charging at anyone who tried to break through,
But he stung her, in the heart,
His poison coursing through her veins,
His poison was not toxic in her blood,
Although it changed her,
She began to see things differently,
His love an opiate that opened her mind,
his soul,
opened her gates,
She's let down her guard,
After so long how could she?
She thought she would never be ready to let down her walls,
He knew where she needed to be touched,
He defrosted the bricks,
Knocked down the thorn covered barrier,
Because he loved her
He loved her the way every cliche began
And she finally understood how love was in the end
She had dreamed of the one,
The one strong enough,
Brave enough,
Wise enough,
To push her walls aside
And take her in.
Poem # 2
After such a long traffic jam in my mind,
How could I find inspiration?
How could I grasp the messages of life,
Analyze the beauties of nature,
Dissect the symbolisms of new beginnings,
It had all drained from me months ago.
I tried everything but nothing seemed right,
Nothing was original,
I dropped everything, forgot myself
I became who I was always meant to be,
Finally,
I new who I was and where I was going,
It took so long to find it all,
Now the arrow points down the path in the correct direction,
Whether it be left or right,
It is predetermined and will be an adventure.
But still where did this new fountain of creativity come?
From me,
from those who believed in me,
from him,
all that truly understood me,
Ignited my fire,
To create,
To sculpt,
To mold,
Now it is up to me,
Pen and paper,
typewriter,
Camera,
Guitar,
I am back.
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wicked_new_year's journal